The 40 Rules of Love Quotes: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shams Tabrizi & Elif Shafak
If you are reading this, your soul is likely asking for something quieter than the noise of the world around you. We spend so much of our days rushing, reacting, and managing the surface of our lives that we often forget to tend to the foundation. This is where the 40 rules of love quotes come in-not as rigid instructions, but as fluid reminders of what it means to be truly alive.
Popularized by Elif Shafak in her masterpiece novel The Forty Rules of Love, these insights bridge the gap between modern fiction and ancient Sufi mysticism. They tell the story of the wandering dervish Shams of Tabriz and his transformative companionship with the scholar Rumi. But more than that, they are a map for anyone feeling spiritually thirsty.
While the book is a work of fiction, the wisdom feels ancient and true. It reminds us that the intellect ties knots, but the heart dissolves them. Below, we have curated the complete list of rules, along with additional wisdom to help you live with an open heart.
The Complete List of the Forty Rules of Love
These rules are designed to be read slowly. Don’t rush through them. Let them sit with you. You might find that one rule specifically addresses the struggle you are facing right now.
1. "How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled up inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we."
2. "The path to the Truth is a labor of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide! Not your mind. Meet, challenge and ultimately prevail over your nafs (self, psyche, soul) with your heart. Knowing your ego will lead you to the knowledge of God."
3. "You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe, because God is not confined in a mosque, synagogue or church. But if you are still in need of knowing where exactly His abode is, there is only one place to look for Him: in the heart of a true lover."
4. "Intellect and love are made of different materials. Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises, 'Beware too much ecstasy,' whereas love says, 'Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!' Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can easily reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures."
5. "Most of problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstanding. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language, as we know it, becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence."
6. "Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember, only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you."
7. "Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighborhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied."
8. "Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to look at the end of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full."
9. "East, West, South, or North makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond."
10. "The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain."
11. "The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without."
12. "There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe. Don't confuse power-driven, self-centered people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the Light of God pass through them."
13. "Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?"
14. "God is busy with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but inexorably moving toward perfection. We are each an unfinished work of art both waiting and striving to be completed."
15. "It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love our fellow human being with all their imperfections and defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God."
16. "Real filth is on the inside. The rest is just washing off. There is only one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure water, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart."
17. "The whole universe is contained within a single human being-you. Everything that you see around, including the things that you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for Sheaitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within. If you set to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness."
18. "If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses."
19. "Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That is the hardest part and that is what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow."
20. "We were all created in His image, and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is an amount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme."
21. "When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but when a wine bibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearance. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed instead opens a third eye-the eye that sees the inner realm."
22. "Life is a temporary loan and this world is nothing but a sketchy imitation of Reality. Only children would mistake a toy for the very thing it represents. And yet human beings either become infatuated with the toy or disrespectfully break it and throw it aside. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will destroy your inner balance. Sufis do not go to extremes. A Sufi always remains mild and moderate."
23. "The human being has a unique place among God’s creation. 'I breathed into him of My Spirit,' God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a delegate, if you ever do? Remember, it falls upon each of us to discover the divine spirit inside and live by it."
24. "Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present within this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell."
25. "Each and every reader comprehends the Holy Qur’an on a different level of tandem with the depth of his understanding. There are four levels of insight. The first level is the outer meaning and it is the one that the majority of the people are content with. Next is the Batin-the inner level. Third, there is the inner of the inner. And the fourth level is so deep it cannot be put into words and is therefore bound to remain indescribable."
26. "The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do not do harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back-not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space and they will come back to us in due time."
27. "This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will return to you. Therefore if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of 40 days, because you will be different inside."
28. "The past is an interpretation. The future is an on illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness."
29. "Destiny doesn’t mean that your life has been strictly predetermined. Therefore to leave everything to fate and to not actively contribute to the music of the universe is a sign of sheer ignorance. The music of the universe is all pervading and it is composed of 40 different levels. Your destiny is the level where you will play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to play is entirely in your hands."
30. "The true Sufi is such that even when he is wrongly accused, attacked and condemned from all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a single bad word about any of his critics. A Sufi never apportions blame. How can there be opponents or rivals or even 'others' when there is no 'self' in the first place? How can there be anyone to blame when there is only One?"
31. "If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss or fright, one way or another, we are all faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental and more compassionate and generous. Yet some of us learn the lesson and manage to become milder, while some others end up becoming even harsher."
32. "Nothing should stand between you and God. No imams, priests, rabbis or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not even your spiritual master. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good."
33. "While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different than a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going."
34. "Submission does not mean being weak or passive. It leads to neither fatalism nor capitulation. Just the opposite. True power resides in submission-a power that comes from within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquility and peace even when the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence."
35. "In this world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the unbeliever residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him. Until the day one reaches the stage of Insan-i Kamil, the perfect human being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief."
36. "This world is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain unreciprocated. Fear not the plots, deceptions, or tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap and hurting you, God is also plotting. He is the best plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, He does beautifully."
37. "God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die."
38. "It is never too late to ask yourself, 'Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?' Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with every new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one-way to be born into a new life: to die before death."
39. "While the parts change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs this world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way not only nothing remains the same but also nothing ever really changes. For every Sufi who dies, another is born somewhere."
40. "A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water."
Voices from the Narrative: Lessons on Resilience, Presence, and Change
The 40 rules of love quotes above are the spine of the philosophy, but the heart of wisdom often beats in other stories and voices that complement these themes. Below are 15 additional insights on resilience, presence, and the complexity of human connection to deepen your understanding.
41. "The obstacle to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
42. "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung, The Collected Works of C.G. Jung
43. "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." - Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
44. "The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
45. "Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it." - Mary Oliver, Sometimes
46. "We shall not cease from exploration / And the end of all our exploring / Will be to arrive where we started / And know the place for the first time." - T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding
47. "The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience." - Emily Dickinson, Letter to T.W. Higginson
48. "Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present." - Albert Camus, The Rebel
49. "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin
50. "All that you touch You Change. All that you Change Changes you. The only lasting truth Is Change." - Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower
51. "It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject from various points of view." - George Eliot, Middlemarch
52. "If I am a sword, I am a sword made of glass, and I feel myself beginning to shatter." - Victoria Aveyard, Glass Sword
53. "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin, The Price of the Ticket
54. "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi, The Essential Rumi
55. "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God." - Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
How to Live the Rules in a Modern World
Reading the rules is the easy part; practicing them is where the real work begins. In a world obsessed with speed and superficiality, applying Shams Tabrizi’s wisdom can feel rebellious. Here is how to take five of the most powerful rules and weave them into your daily life.
The Mirror of Relationships (Rule #1)
This rule reminds us that our external world is a printout of our internal state. If you constantly feel judged by your partner or the world, pause and ask: "Where am I judging myself?" This isn't about blaming yourself; it's about reclaiming power. Use this rule to find unconditional love soulmate quotes that speak to acceptance rather than expectation. When you clean the mirror of your own heart, the reflection changes naturally.
The Courage of Vulnerability (Rule #4)
Rule #4 is a beautiful reminder that intellect builds walls while love breaks them down. Modern dating often encourages us to play it cool and protect our feelings. But Shams teaches that the "ruins" of a broken heart are where the treasure lies. To love deeply requires risk. It is similar to declaring I choose you quotes for love and commitment-it is an act of bravery that says, "I am willing to be seen, even if it scares me."
The Power of the Present (Rule #24)
Anxiety lives in the future; regret lives in the past. Shams tells us that heaven and hell are right here, right now. If you are struggling in your relationship, stop replaying old arguments (the past) or worrying about a breakup (the future). Bring your attention to this single moment. Can you offer kindness right now? This creates a space of mutual regard, similar to relationship respect quotes to inspire love, grounding you in the only time that actually exists.
Bringing the Wisdom Home: 5 Meaningful Gifts for Seekers
If these rules have touched you, or you know someone walking a spiritual path, sometimes a physical token can serve as a grounding anchor.
- Special Anniversary Edition of The Forty Rules of Love: There is nothing quite like holding the physical text. Look for a hardbound copy with annotations to keep on your bedside table.
- Custom Calligraphy Prints: Visual learners love seeing their favorite rule (often Rule #1 or #40) framed. The flowing script of calligraphy matches the fluid nature of Sufi thought.
- A Rumi-Inspired Leather Journal: Rule #9 says to make every journey a journey within. A dedicated journal for self-reflection allows you to "travel the whole wide world" without leaving your chair.
- Sandalwood or Amber Incense Sets: Scent is a powerful trigger for memory and presence. Lighting incense before reading can create a ritualistic atmosphere that separates your spiritual time from the rest of your day.
- A "Rule #40" Compass Necklace: Since Rule #40 declares love as the "water of life," a compass pendant can symbolize that love is your True North, guiding you when the intellect gets confused.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are the 40 Rules of Love real ancient texts?
A: No, they are a literary creation by Elif Shafak for her novel. However, she based them deeply on the actual philosophy of Sufism, the teachings of Rumi, and the historical figure of Shams Tabrizi. They are modern interpretations of ancient wisdom.
Q: Who was Shams Tabrizi?
A: Shams was a wandering Persian dervish and mystic who is credited with spiritually transforming Rumi from a scholar into a poet of love. Their friendship is one of the most famous spiritual connections in history, symbolizing the union of wisdom and love.
Q: How can I apply these rules if I am not religious?
A: The rules are spiritual, not dogmatically religious. They focus on the "religion of love," which transcends specific creeds. You can view "God" in the quotes as the Universe, Truth, or your highest Self, making them applicable to anyone seeking inner peace.
Conclusion: Your Heart is the Map
We often look for a checklist to fix our lives, hoping that if we just follow the steps, we will be happy. But the 40 rules of love quotes aren’t a checklist; they are a conversation. They are a dialogue between who you are and who you are becoming.
As James Baldwin said in our list above, "Love is a growing up." It is messy, non-linear, and beautiful. Whether you connected most with the call to solitude or the demand for vulnerability, take that single rule and walk with it today. Let it be the lens through which you see your world.
Which rule spoke to your soul today? Leave a comment below sharing your favorite number.
